This blog, I'm going to use as my personal journey as a spiritualist. If you can call me that, I'm still unsure and I am not going to make any assumptions about that. However, this blog is based on my personal journey, my trial, tribulations, affirmations and awakenings. Does not mean it applies to you, or it may. I guess that depends on who this blog attracts.
This blog is called, "There's a Baba In My Dream." I named it so after a dream I had last week. The date was Friday, June 3rd, 2009. What a dream, so excited about this dream, not to say I'm special or anything, but the fact that I might actually be on the right path is enough for me to be excited about! And that I might be able to put the skills I have learned in the past decade to good use, to help heal some people on this wondrous planet, people who earned freedom of suffering! So, considering all the horrible mistakes I have made in my life and the resentment, the guilt and the illness from those emotions that has literally been eating me alive. I'm so thankful for this, because all the seeking I've been doing may actually be in the works. See my intentions are quite clear now. I must help people, help people from suffering through discovering forgiveness, particularly forgiveness of self. Which I have found to be extremely hard to do considering the ego likes to play mind games with us and constantly screams at us saying, "You are suppose to be perfect! You really screwed up! You don't deserve forgiveness!" This obviously is not true. I don't care who you are, if your intentions are pure, and you are making more than an effort, forgiveness is yours. Just surrender to it, surrender to the work that has to be done to get to it. You know what it is, your physical self, your spiritual self is talking to you all the time.
Back to my dream, there were hundreds of people around this beautiful garden that faced a series of rocks almost like a mountain side in the background. There may have been a pond or pool of water in front. Luckily, I was sitting in front staring at the water, focused on it. Behind us, there was a green beautiful garden with woods and big boulders surrounding us. It was night time, it was dark outside of the garden, fire torches were blazing but they seemed to be a distance away. There was alot of people behind me, and two unlikely people, who I would of never really thought would be there was there with me in front and I had another friend who was back in the background.
I was distracted by the pool of water in front of me, when people started to cry with excitement, "It's him, it's him!" And even though I was distracted by the water, I heard him saying names. Then I heard him say my name. I looked up in surprise, shocked that this guy knows my name and he just smiles at me. Glorious beautiful smile!
I had a dream of Babaji Nagaraj!
There is a 2nd part of the dream, which I am convinced is a "Word Problem" ie a test. The energy was different in this dream. It felt uneasy, I felt uneasy and I think this was the "Ego" part of the test, something that I still have to work on. But more people were coming to see this guy in a building. He was sitting on this throne, it didn't even look like the same guy that I saw in the garden. I was going to see him there, hundreds of people around. I just wanted to walk past this guy, I felt on uneasy and he didn't look like he was happy with me at all. I think this was ego playing games with me again. I am unsure. So, shamefully enough I walked past this guy, past the doors and felt ill, ashamed of myself.
So, the word problem is, I really should not be ashamed of who I am. Babaji knows what is going on with me, I guarantee he does not care about my past, he only cares about who I am now. However, if I continue to beat myself up about it, I'm going to miss an incredible opportunity. I need to stop being ashamed, let it go, invite love into my heart. Surrender to what he has to offer and go with it. It belongs to me, it belongs to all of us, we just have to accept it and go with it.
If I see him, I'm giving him a big hug! Breathe out any fear or reservations and just surrender to a hug and a thank you for helping me work through this.
Namaste,
Tina
